December 15 - Ostrich Forecast

Note: The Ostrich Weekly Forecast will be off the last two weeks in December, as our weatherman says intense levels of jolliness distort the picture in his crystal ball. The weather will be what it will be.

For this coming week, on the heels of the recent atmospheric river, we're forecasting an atmospheric phoenix. (I know I said last week that mythological weather is uncommon, but you roll two sixes in a row sometimes.)

A phoenix, as you know, has three phases of life, which are (1) flying around being remarkable, (2) flaming out, and (3) rising from the ashes. We mostly picture a phoenix in phase 3, since it's a unique skill, but the average phoenix does its best to avoid phases 2 and 3 entirely, and stay in phase 1 as much as possible. In fact, phoenixes have an unprintable name for the individual who gets addicted to the crashing out and the reemerging—the closest I can get is flame-aficionado, but that doesn't capture the spirit.

What an atmospheric phoenix portends is anybody's guess. Hopefully, since it's only a week, and what can happen in a week, we'll spend the whole time soaring, preening, and enjoying the view. If some great accident does befall us, and we end up with our feathers on fire, let's aim to reach phase 3 as soon as possible. These conditions won't hold forever.