July 21 - Ostrich Weekly Forecast
It's choose-your-own-weather week!
The forecast this week calls for an unstable system, with highly variable conditions. Our forecaster can usually see through the chaos and find the underlying pattern, but this week he says the weather is genuinely undetermined. Which leaves us two options: we can make ourselves comfortable with an unknowable future, or we can make our own weather. You know which way I swing, so grab a die and roll with me!
1 - Seal the deal. Sign a contract, make a pact, forge a blood oath.
- New you. Total fashion reconsideration. Hooded poncho, studded collar, three-piece suit, whatever you'd never wear. Lean into the discomfort.
- Full Ferris Bueller. Call in sick and arrange excuses for your crush and your best friend. Obtain a sports car. Spend one perfect day in the city before the magic of childhood evaporates.
- Popsicles. Did you forget that you can make popsicles any time you want, and you can put anything in them? (Except liquor; it doesn't freeze.)
- Arthritis. Yeah, some rolls are straight-up lame.
- Bat of Truth. A one-week superpower, like Wonder Woman's lasso of truth but stronger. Anyone you hit with a bat is compelled to be fully honest.
