Ostrich Weekly Forecast: June 2

It's time to list the minor holidays of June, which I'd usually do chronologically, but I'm feeling cranky, so I'm going to rank the ten best days in June and the one worst one.

#10. June 29. National Waffle Iron Day, Almond Buttercrunch Day, National Camera Day.

#9. June 7. National Chocolate Ice Cream Day.

#8. June 5. Ketchup, Moonshine, and Gingerbread.

#7. June 10. Herbs and Spices, Iced Tea, Ballpoint Pens.

#6. June 20. Kouign Amann Day, is the big news. Also Vanilla Milkshake Day AND Ice Cream Soda Day, plus American Eagle Day. (I don't think eagles give a shit about countries, but they're not extinct, so that's cool.)

#5. June 17. National Cherry Tart Day, National Apple Strudel Day, National Root Beer Day. Also Eat Your Vegetables Day, but there's no harm in that.

#4. June 6. National Doughnut Day, Drive-in Movie Day, Yo-Yo Day.

#3. June 8. National Trails Day, Children's Day, National Best Friends Day.

#2. June 22. National Chocolate Eclair Day, National Kissing Day, National Onion Ring Day. (Note the order. Very important.)

#1 and still champion! June 4. National Cheese Day, National Cognac Day, National Hug Your Cat Day.

Before I name the worst day, a note: June sees observances for drive-in movies, yo-yos, VCRs, Daniel Boone, "upsy daisy," Donald Duck, ice cream sodas, "Pop Goes the Weasel," and Garfield the Cat. But you shall live forever.

Worst Day: June 30. Social Media Day, National Meteor Watch Day. Social Media Day speaks for itself, and, while I'd normally be all for a meteor watch, the Perseids don't start until mid-July, so here's how this will go down. You're going to be sweaty and irritable after an awful day of dopamine scrolling, and then you'll head outside on the brightest night of the year to lay on your back in the anty grass and wish on a star with your someone special. Whereupon you'll see—nothing. Close Instagram, watch Casablanca, and make a wish on Ingrid Bergman.