Ostrich Weekly Forecast: June 9

I might as well just write down my conversation with our weatherman.

Weatherman: You've heard of Antonio Banderas, right?

Me: One half of the world's sexiest sword fight?

Weatherman: Also the lead in Pain and Glory, but art films aren't your style, I suppose.

Me: Your point being?

Weatherman: He wanted to be a footballer, and he was good at it. His dream was to play for the Spanish national team, but he broke his foot, and his dream was crushed. Fate redirected him toward the stage.

He: You know I broke my foot this winter. You think that's a good sign?

Weatherman: You didn't break it epically. You broke it clumsily. I'm talking about an epic setback, the blow that seems crushing at the time, but ultimately sends you toward your destiny.

Me: Just because it's clumsy doesn't mean it can't be epic. How do you know it wasn't epic?

Weatherman: Because it wasn't. If you ever do anything epic, I'll tell you.

Me: I bought a newspaper.

Weatherman: There is such a thing as an epic delusion, but yours are just regular.

Me: This relates to the forecast how?

Weatherman: I'm predicting unusually epic conditions this week. Setbacks, fortuitous encounters, invitations to adventure, climactic struggles, the whole nine.

Me: How does a person prepare for that?

Weatherman: Remember the three S's: Stretch, Stay hydrated, and carry Snacks.

Me: I've got snacks covered already.

Weatherman: I'm sure you do.